Holiday Hangover

I think this year's Christmas was the best and went by the fastest. I can't believe it's all over; worship services; presents wrapped; Santas's cookies eaten; family fed and enjoyed. It just went by so fast I feel like I barely got to catch up with all my loved ones. Sydney had a time- and really got the hang of "i want to open presents..."

I guess I kind of have the holiday hangover- feeling kinda sad and nostalgic. Overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning and organizing that must happen at my house. Preferring to crawl into bed and escape into a good book (Breaking Dawn) or critically acclaimed TV drama (MadMen). What is that thing we do, the escapism we crave? At the mall, the bar, church? Wherever. I think we all do it. Something Michael Palandro said today really hit home. We need to stop trying to make room for God in our idealized future and let him into our present. We sometimes miss what's happening now, because we are so focused on the "I'l be happy when..."

Pretty profound stuff I think. I'm thinking about it. Sydney is making pictures.

Love,
Cameron

baby's first Christmas

This is the site at my house tonight. Santa's cookies are half eaten and his milk is all gone. The tricycle has a big red bow on it and there are too many presents to mention. Even though this is really Sydney's 3 Christmas (she was born in August of 06) it's really the first time she gets it. I can't wait for tomorrow morning.

I can't sign off without a word about the reason for the season as it were. As Doug said tonight, there is no mess to messy for God. No matter where you may be or how disqualified you may think you are from God's love, He is right there beside you ready to give it. Hallelujah indeed.

Merry Christmas.

xoCameron

another doozy

"Mommy, " she giggles, "I'm so happy."

I mean really, this is the best. What could beat that. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Ok, maybe it was the 7up. And the sleep deprivation (2 worship services, 15 hour day). Or the ice cream. Or the fun with Mimi and Papa, Brian and Andrea and Mommy and Daddy. Whatever it was, her reflection at the end of this day was "Mommy, I'm so happy."

A thought occured to me when Sydney was 3 or 4 months old. It had to do with the ferocity of our love for our children. It's huge and desperate and if we stopped to think about it, or if we talked about it, a geyser of emotion would threaten to erupt. Protectiveness, elation, wonder, awe. But it's not a passive love or a delicate love. It's almost vicious. I was still in the throes of the emotional ups and downs post partum and was sure this thought was insane, but time has passed, I'm no longer nuts, and I still believe this to be true.

It's almost like, we roll our eyes and talk about the struggles (Oh, she was up at 4:30am, or Oh, she ate her weight in Christmas cookies, or Oh that child never stops moving!)- just so that we won't make fools of overselves weeping over the sheer joy and passion we feel for them.

Maybe I am speaking only of mothers- maybe not- but it's something I've experienced that I suspect I am not alone in.

Sydney's Song

Here she is. When they say your children will imitate you they are not kidding. This was perhaps one of the warmest moments of motherhood for me yet. Totally without prompting my brilliant little girl pulled up to the piano and began "writing a song". She would play and sing a little, then stop, and "write" a few notes down on the notepad. Just like mommy does. What a miraculous gift children. How they carve a totally unique existence from yours. Visit my facebook to see a bunch more recent photos. Love, Cameron

spammers beware & ephiphany 1 and 2

I will personally thrash anyone selling beachside condos or "free internet speed tests" (what the heck is that) who posts a phoney comment on my blog. I will find you and you will be sorry.


Now, onto other business. I've revised my position. My church is really cool and most of the moms - possibly more than half -are working outside the home- and inside of course (our jobs are never done). There really is equal love for whichever you choose and frankly everyone is probably to busy to care that much about what you're doing anyway. Regarding staying home or not. I have no bone to pick on that subject and since we are all on the same page (whatever works best for the family) let's move on.

My bone to pick is with the invisibiliy of post partum depression and the lack of support from within the church community. The unspoken message is "If child bearing and rearing doesn't make you feel like your blissed out on some happy drug- and if you can't stop crying, even 6 months into it- well then you aren't much of a woman, or a Christian". Folks, this twisted inner dialogue is extreme I know, and may only be my own, but I would like to dig a bit and find out what women really think- how many have suffered through it in silence- and why.

When I started talking about it, I was amazed at how many have responded with, "I went through that too," or "I'm going through that now." Personally I was so afraid to admit it to others and to myself that I suffered much longer than I should have. I will do whatever I can to prevent another mom from going through that.

Another epiphany I'd like to record here is that I have realized why my PR hat makes me sometimes gag. When I am PR'ing these days I am doing it for good and worthy things. I work for a church. Everything these people do is selfless and loving, so there is no danger I'm hawking a bum toaster. For me, a former fashion PR person aka bum toaster hawker, I still associate PR'ing with a subtle icky feeling. Even though when these stories get picked up God is glorified- no question, I still feel this vague guilt, for seeking publicity or attention for something that may not be worthy of it. Thing is, it is worthy. Way worthy.

I spent the day in Galveston with one of our members who took $100 of "seed money"- Kingdom Assignment money- and turned it into 2130 new winter coats for the students of Ball High School in Galveston who lost EVERYTHING in Hurrican Ike. She raised $36,000 in 5 weeks, and the kids were just blown away. It was so humbling and moving to see their reaction. Some took a coat to give to a parent or teacher whom they felt needed it more than they did. Even thought it was 38 degrees outside and most of the kids didn't have coats of their own.

I need to get a life.

I have to re-train my thinking; I am not seeking the clients approval or the reporters- I am seeking to use my gifts to get people talking about what God cares about- loving our neighbors, feeding the hungry, caring for the fatherless and the widowed. I have to stop deriving my self worth from how appreciated I feel by my co workers or even how many media hits I secure. I have to repeat to myself like a mantra, "For God to be glorified," so I don't forget it for one second. WHAT AN EPIPHANY! I can't wait to get back to PRing for a great cause tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.

Love and Coco Puffs,
Cameron

more on this

My gorgeous cousin, who has four kids and knows a few things about being a mommy, posted an awesome comment to my last entry...take a look.

See, I don't think there is a right or wrong when talking about to "stay home" or "not to stay home." I think it depends on the person. But the culture inside the church that I've noticed definitely seems to support the notion that "the right" or "the best" thing for infants/ toddlers is to be home with Mom. Which I think is fantastic if that's what's right or best for Mom too, but if it's not, then it's not empirically right or best. Does that make sense? It depends on what kind of care if provided for the child, where it is, when it is, etc. But even so, God makes up for where we lack. We can't be perfect. The best we can be is ourselves. Asking God to take over where I lack. And actually letting Him. That's been the hardest lesson of early motherhood I think. If He can make a candle burn for 8 days or raise Jesus from the dead He can certainly make up for what I lack for the child whom He loves more than I ever could. The latter a hard concept to swallow but true - if we believe.

My deal has been amazing. I started working part time when Sydney was 3 months old. She was in childcare at the church onsite. Not only was this incredible but it was close enough that I could see her every hour if I wanted to. But what I wanted was to think and talk and write and create. Being able to do that 20 hours a week made me a better mommy. Now she is in preschool - still on site- while I work 9- 2:30 four days a week, and church on Sundays. She is 2 and counts to 10 spells her name and can say water in three languages. I realize this is not the typical set up, but it was a blessing/ and still is a major blessing for me to have her learning and growing at the same place I am.

I am sure that she would be doing all these things if I was at home with her everyday, but I'm not, and she's doing great anyway.

I should talk more about the PP (post partum) to explain maybe why I am even writing about this. But I will. Soon enough. Now, I'm exhausted. Wrote a new song today and have officially written the beginnings of a Christmas album. Seems I'm obsessed with Christmas.

Ok, Love + Ice Cream.

Cameron

feminism, momism and other myths

I've been batting around some ideas lately about women and their roles, inside and outside the church. 

I've been thinking about writing about my experience with post partum depression and anxiety - in an attempt to start a conversation among Christian women on the subject. The mass media has just gotten around to talking about post partum - thanks to Brooke Shields and the like. But it seems to me that when it come to some issues of gender identity, the culture - if not the prescribed beliefs of the church- is 25 years behind the times.

A book that came out in '04- The Mommy Myth- attempted to address the issue of the pressures of motherhood from a feminist perspective. I think I speak for many gen X'ers- Christians or not-  when I say that though well intentioned and successful on certain fronts- the Feminist movement never got it right. Since it's rocket- like launch in the 60s, to it's asteroidal crash landing- right into  Britney Spears and Martha Stewart- in the 21st century, feminism has been cast as irrelevant and outdated,  along with  flower power and power suits.

But the church, the bride of Christ, shouldn't project the same impossible standards on women. Shouldn't depend on culture to give us our identities and define our roles.  God doesn't love us because we're good at anything- whether it be neurosurgery or motherhood-  does he?

I'm going to be exploring this issue and writing about it on my own...just to see what I can come up with. If you've got an experience to relate I would love to hear about it. I am going to start with my own and my friends (they shall all remain nameless of course). But I am inspired to tell a different sort of story from within the church. A story of the power and potential, pitfalls and struggles, joys and sorrows- of a generation of women trying to live their lives for the Glory of God. And trying to get all the rest of it right too. 

Let me know what you think.

-Cameron

something good

Maybe it's my co-dependant nature (can one be co-dependant with unknowable blog readers? If anyone can, I can) but I can't leave you with that last post and not the hopeful follow up.

I had an epiphany about seminary and have decided to get back in the saddle, but a slightly different on. Tailoring the degree to what I do and want to do (worship, theology, art), rather than what I don't (weddings and funerals). I am really excited about it. And Matt is doing amazingly with his new custom music production business. He's busy and had a great new business meeting today. I am grateful.

I need to go register for classes but I am excited to- with a vastly more attainable and useful goal in mind. And a revised picture of how I limit myself, God does not. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

retail therapy- delayed post

It's a strange day that begins with frosting cookies, seems to skate through irritation after irritation, flirts with retail therapy and settles on the book of John, chapter 3 v. 30.

I don't think it's impossible, or fictional, in fact I know it's real because I've lived it, but it's bizarre nonetheless. Honestly, I feel as though I am experiencing the identity crisis that one would expect in college when trying to choose a major, or even in high school when trying to choose a college. But here I am, 33, a mother and wife, with a mortgage and the like and I'm still not sure I'm doing what I will be doing for the rest of my life.

Am I being obtuse? I have realized this week that I have shortchanged a part of me (the music part) for the part that is easier to explain at the cocktail parties I don't go to anymore (the PR part). I've resigned myself that I couldn't do that other thing full time for a living because it's just not practical, but I can do the thing I'm good at that I don't love because it is.

I'm just being honest. Don't panic or anything. Everything's fine. It's just that I've realized I've been trying to fit a square peg in a rectangular hole. It fits if you shove and stretch a bit but it ain't right. This may be the stuff of diaries and not blogs and so I will wait to publish this one, but ya know. It feels so good to realize this. My shortchanging has not been valid or reasonable or justified. The thing that I love IS the thing I'm good at, and I should be focused on getting better and richer in knowledge and purpose within that. Doing the thing that puts Him at the center, at the focus. That He must become more; I must become less.

star o wonder

so it is 9:30pm and we are all in bed which can mean only one thing....a 7am call time! Yeah! Actually I am so excited because I get to sing the most amazing song ever. It's so incredible that it is no problem what so ever to get us all up, including the two year old, at 5ish to get ready. In fact I can't wait. I do have that throat tickle and hoarseness that is threatening to throw me into a panic- but I've never been a voice panicker before and I don't intend to start now. I am, however, speaking only in whispers and wearing a scarf to bed. I've become my high school voice major classmates. Ah! Where's my slippery elm!? Wait, I just whispered that because I am not aloud to speak. After 5pm. On performance days. On any days really. I actually knew people like this. It's cool though. I need to respect my voice more. I need to like warm up sometimes. What a novel concept. I don't realize what a gift and blessing it is until I can't use it. Like when I've lost my voice. It amazes me how much singing to myself is therapy. Like rocking back and forth in a ball in the corner of the room. Whether or not another human hears is irrelevant. It's really just for me. That's such a cool thing. God designed it as such. He knows all this. And losing my voice was kind of like fasting music but not on purpose. I've learned so much in times when I couldn't , or didn't play or sing. Like how it IS a gift. But it's not the extent of my value or my worth. In fact my value has nothing to do with it. How well I sing or for who or how many has no bearing whatsoever on the way I am seen by God. That's a mind blower for me and always has been. God's love is not conditional on my abilities, or my actions. Or inactions. This is something I need to remind myself of alot. We all do.

So Labor of Love is the song. Andrew Peterson wrote it. Jill Philips sings it. Check it out.

Resolution

Amazingly enough it seems that the crisis in Thailand is on the mend. I just looked at photos of the airport from CNN- hundreds of riot police, thousands of protestors, bombs, tourists sleeping on baggage belts, etc. It is literally by the grace of God that we did not get caught in that. Wow. It's a sobering thought. Not because I think we would've been hurt or anything, but more the stress of that would've just been so over the top for us in light of the crazy year we've had. I feel more aware of God as a father when I think of this. It was just his mercy. And don't think the idea of being caught in the middle of that isn't a little bit exciting, b/c it is (scary?)...but God knows that is not the kind of exciting I can handle right now.

Which brings me to the exciting I can handle. And no, I'm not pregnant. (Why does everybody think that's what I'm gonna say?)

We are performing a song I wrote called "Emmanuel" on Sunday. When I wrote it on the piano, as I do, I had no idea it was going to become what it is going to become on Sunday. Hats off to Brian Mann for arranging and producing on the fly during rehearsal yesterday. That guy is so over the top talented it's spooky. He had exactly the right direction for us, the band, to give that song wings. It was such an indulgent treat for me, such giddy joy. I felt like a twelve year old kid who got asked to sit with the cool kids at lunch. "You like me? You really like me?"

This is where the resolution comes in; that question about being an artist I was wrestling with. This is my primordial heart beat and there is no denying it. Creating music. Writing songs. Seeing the pieces come together, layer upon layer. Experiencing it and being impacted by the generosity of a God who let's me do this. It's just so amazing. Matt and I literally looked at eachother after practice the other night and he just said "This is so amazing. This life. Getting to play with these people." It really is just such an illustrious, over the top gift. So thanks, friends for letting us play with you, worship with you. And thanks God for blessing me so massively..me with the sometimes short temper, me with the lousy self discipline, me with the insecurities, me so undeserving. Yet the "me" doesn't change who "You" are. And your insistence on loving me like crazy, anyway.

G'night.

Cameron

The Rabbit Room

Perhaps it's fitting that I should stumble across The Rabbit Room whilst listening to Andrew Peterson's "Labor of Love" 10 million times.

Let me clarify, if I could I would. 10 million times. Yes because it's great. Because it shows "little Mary full of Grace" in such a real way that the Christmas story will never be the same. Yes because I am singing it in front of folks who are a lot better at singing and such than I am- tomorrow. And because I need to make "practice" part of my vocabulary.

That said, back to the Rabbit Room. It is a website proprieted (a word?) by Andrew Peterson, who is the artist/ writer who brought us Behold The Lamb of God. I just read his blog posting about why and what - as far as this Rabbit Room and it inspired me so much I would like to reprint a bit of it here but something terrible is happening with my computer. Basically this site is a forum for writers and artists who have "succumbed the the origin of there inspiration" aka God, to talk, rant, request, deny, and praise. All I've read is AP's own explanation of the name (the room in the local pub where Tolkein, Lewis and the like drank stout and talked shop)- and the intent of the site- "I believe in the role of the artist" - he says.

It's such a touchy subject for me. To which camp do I belong? Am I an artist? Am I a worship leader? Am I an entrepreneur? Am I a missionary? A wife? Mother? And why do I have to pick one? Or even two. Or three. I have struggled with this so long. I never really have ever fully fit in with one camp or the other. Maybe I travel between worlds and that's ok.

Without a doubt I agree with Peterson, I believe in the role of the artist. But I am not sure if, or what, I believe about my role as an artist. It's a conundrum. Frankly my own creations are limited to this blog and the smattering of songs I've had time to write in between diaper changes, trips to Thailand, my job at Grace (which itself is quite duplicitous) and seminary. The latter deserves a post-of-explanation all it's own.

At risk of further delving into "Are you there God it's me Cameron" ruminations, I will change the subject and offer a massive praise report and a massive prayer request.

Speaking of Thailand. There are over 100,000 people stranded at the Bangkok airport. Some of them I may know. And none of them are me. Or Matt. Praise God for that. The rest we needed is the rest we got, even if by the skin of our teeth. Thank You Jesus.

Please pray (and I am pleading with myself to do this) for little Moshe, and all the children who've lost parents to violence, this week in Mumbai, but everyday, somewhere in this crazy, broken world.

Thanks for reading.

Love,
Cameron

Narita Airport, Japan

Back in Tokyo, at the airport at least. Matt and I just got paged - not sure what that's about. Hopefully all is well and we will be off and on our way to Houston shortly. Asia is intense. So many different sights, sounds and smells. I am so grateful for the opportunity to visit here. I like Japan alot. Very very different from Thailand, culturally speaking. But I love Thailand, but for different reasons. If I was one for culture shock I certainly would've experienced it, but by the grace of God I have not. Last night in Bangkok almost did it to me- but sleep won out.

All is well with our tickets to Houston. We board in less than an hour. I miss Sydney so much it physically hurts. I cannot wait to see her. We got her many many fun little presents.

See you all soon.

Love,
Cameron

Weird Hotel, Bangkok

Yeah, so..note to self. No boutique hotels in Bangkok. Now I understand why my mom's boyfriend favors chain hotels when travelling in far off places. At least at the Hilton you know what to expect. Ok, it's really not that bad. Clean and pretty modern. But it smells like moth balls. Weird.

Anyway, 4 am wake up call will come soon God willing :-) We've had such an awesome trip. I was sad to leave Chaingmai and our precious little woodsy hotel there. All the locals were so awesome and friendly. We had a great time with Paul and Mandy. To be honest it will be a LONG time before I eat Thai food. I am dying for a real cheeseburger and french fries.

So on this side of the world things are different. I feel that more here in the weird hotel and in the crazy Battlestar Gallactica airport in Bangkok.

Anyway, we are fine, just anxious like all get out to get home and hug Sydney. And give her all the presents we got her!

Pray for safe and easy travels through 3 international airports and innumerable time zones. Thanks. Love , Cameron

Last Day

We've had such a deeply refreshing time here. It's so wonderful to see my husband so relaxed and encouraged. Please visit www.facebook.com/camerondezenhammon for pics. More later.

Across the Sea

We have moved into our new hotel and I am quite relieved (phew) b/c I chose this place site unseen and three other people were depending on me to make a good choice. It is amazing. I will upload some photos. We are in the middle of a very green area and it's very natural feeling- we have a two story room with a big gorgeous bathroom - two tvs, free wifi, etc...And it's dirt cheap. Wow.

It's been wonderful spending the last week with missionaries. Even though we were off exploring during the day when they were in their learning tracks, we got to enjoy worship, teaching and small group times with the UWM group (United World Missions). We literally hung out with people living in Khazikstan, Timbuktu, Sczechuan Province, Belgium, Costa Rica and the good 'ol US of A. I mean....Timbuktu. That's a real place, where churches are being planted, people are getting acquainted with the one True Living God and M's (that's missionaries to you and me who live in countries with freedom of religion) are sacrificing their comfort and security to be God's hands and feet on earth.

It's pretty humbling stuff. One couple in particular, the ones in Timbuktu, Nepal really struck us. He is the recipient of 6 Dove awards (the Christian Grammy's) and had a successful and promising career in Nashville in the Christian music industry. He left all that and went out on the mission field, living with and among Nepali's for whom Jesus Christ is a foreign and altogether alien concept. One guy who lives in China said that when he finally got up the nerve to answer the question "Why are you here?" with "God sent me"- he found himself faced with a lot of very curious and interested Chinese. Who is this Jesus? And why would you leave your life in America to come here?

Missions is a value that cannot be disputed or denied among believers in the Living God. But as it was pointed out in the message today- Romans 13- we need to understand what that means 'in light of the present day.' What does that mean today? Where you are. Where you live? Why is Jesus relevant to your life, right now?

I continually had the image in my mind of a tuning fork, vibrating with the harmony of God: hope, love and peace. That is what a missionary must be- a tuning fork, a lightening rod- radiating the sound and the vision of rebirth, of life out of death, of redemption and renewal. That is what you are. What I am. No matter where we live.

We're off again tonight to the Night Bazaar- a melee of sounds and sights Thailand style. We will be visiting with a young American couple in Belgium who have amazing gifts that would equip them for coffeehouse ministry in Budapest !!!;-) Of course the incredible Paul and Mandy are our partners in crime for the next two days and they will also be with us tonight...

Blessings and Love....Sawadee Ka!!! (Thank you)....

Cameron

Salty Decisions

So sorry for the delay in getting a post up. Our friends Paul and Mandy Falgout have just joined us to the balance of our time here- we are moving hotels tomorrow and the conference is wrapping up! We are FINALLY in vacation mode! I say finally because it has been over two years since we've had one so this weekend is going to be all about relaxing. Can't wait.

We've learned something- it's time to make salty decisions. Being the salt of the earth means changing the world by the decisions you make day by day and moment by moment.

Sorry to be vague but I will go more into that later.

We've come to Chiangmai during Loi Krathong- a Buddist festival where thousands of paper lanterns are lit and released into the sky like mini hot air baloons. It's a cross between the fourth of July and New Years eve- and it lasts for four days. It's been the most magical, breathtaking experience.

We wandered into the most expensive hotel in Chaingmai quite by accident and decided to splurge and have dinner on the river, with a birds eye view of all the festivities. It took our breath away. A blessing quite unexpected- the best kind.

Blogger isn't cooperating so you'll have to visit my facebook page to see pics- www.facebook.com/camerondezenhammon

Love, C

Chaingmai, Thailand

We made it!

We are here in beautiful Chaingmai, Thailand. The journey here was far more difficult from Tokyo- then Houston to Tokyo. Jet lag is pretty non existent. It's easier to jump 12 hours than the 7 to Budapest. Speaking of, we had a wonderful time reconnecting with our friend Chad Hallowell from Budapest via Tyler, Tx- who invited us to lead worship for this conference. Which, by the way is called "The University Conference" b/c there is no freedom of religion here in Thailand so we are flying a bit under the radar. Can you imagine such a thing? Especially you guys in Houston. Not being able to hold a Christian event for fear of government intervention. The feeling I get though is that no one is going to bother with Americans doing Christianity but I wonder how that would change with Thais.

None the less today is a free day and we are going to go check out some elephants! We miss Sydney terribly so if you see here give her a BIG kiss. We will skype her tonight.

Love,
Cameron

Welcome to Japan

We are really in awe. As I sit in our hotel room for the night (it's 9:00 pm here) I cannot believe I am in Japan. God is so cool. We are going to go explore the hotel a bit. Tomorrow we leave in the morning for Bangkok. Japanese people are beautiful and small. And very polite. I see on CNN that there is crisis in the Congo. I just got done reading Ishmael Beah's incredible memoir of his time spent as a child soldier in Sierra Leone. It brought that struggle home for me. Check it out.

Love,

Cameron

Going to Thailand

Y'all!

In the airport, flight delayed, but not by much. Very tight connection. Worse comes to worse we spend the night in Tokyo which would be totally cool :-) so I'm not complaning. Perhaps I have visions of lost in translation dancing in my head, but what an awesome opportunity that may never come again, right?

This whole trip has been such a God thing- Maybe I sound like a broken record but it is. When we were originally invited to Thailand we had no connection to the place but were thrilled for the adventure. Since then, really in the last few weeks, we've built relationships with people working in Chaingmai and going to Chiangmai. It's crazy! International Justice Mission has an office there and we are going to visit with them. A new friend- the director of distribution for Call + Response- will be arriving the day we leave. We are going to try to meet at a cafe for an hour or so by the airport. I would love to help them with the regional publicity for the movie, really anything I can do to get the word out about it.

Ok, I am going to say later, and eat something. Blessings, C

What's at Stake

I've heard this said alot in regard to tomorrow's election. "Do you know what's at stake?" "Our future is at stake.." and "the most important election of our lifetime." I've heard this over and over again from both sides of the fight. And make no mistake a fight it is. I've wrestled with voting one way and not another, with not voting, with writing someone in...just not sure who. It would be so much easier, or at least it feels that way for me to vote a particular way (ahem, ahem) because my family (or at least some of them) would be pleased with me. I would fit into a particular group at work, at church, among friends. But perhaps for just that reason I resist such a decision.
























This business about what's at stake: here is my point.

I am reading a book about a young boy in Sierra Leone in 1993. One day he is skipping stones and listening to Eric B. & Rakim on cassette tape. The next his family is murdered by "revolutionaries", murdering their country men in the name of freedom from an oppressive government. Weeks later, devastated, wandering and half starved he is drafted into the national army of his country. Barely big enough to carry the AK-47 he is given, he is transformed and trained by revenge to murder on command. He is 12 years old. "Do you know what's at stake?" his commanders would ask him. "Do you want these (insert un printable expletive)'s running your country?"

I bring this up because in other parts of the world, the venomous division that we are only getting a taste of, leads all to often to bloodshed. I was thinking about how in many, many other countries I wouldn't dream of leaving the country just days after an election without my child. In many other places "unrest" follows these sorts of elections and more often than not bloodshed.


The judgements that are passed on either side are so simplistic-- and both naive and cynical. Obama is Hope and McCain will save us. Obama is dangerous and McCain is evil. No matter which adjective goes in front of which name - all these labels are simplistic and sad. Obama will not, can not save you. Neither can McCain. There is only one who can do such a job and He is as utterly unpopular as not voting. This perception that either candidate can represent Jesus is the most ridiculous notion imaginable. Politics cannot save you.

Start with the one. Gary Haugen talks about this so eloquently. If you really want to put your time, money and effort toward something that will change your world, start with your neighbor. Try treating the bus boy at your favorite cafe with the respect of looking him in the eye and asking his name. Roll down your window and talk to the homeless woman panhandling on the corner. Take the money you spend on Starbucks each week and sponsor a child for a month. This will change things, and it's the only kind of change that really matters. It's the one. Caring enough about another human being, for no other reason that they are beloved of the One who created you. And me. And Obama. And McCain.

Fair warning, don't pass judgement on those who might not share your views. Trust God. Put your life in his hands. See where that goes.

And a postscript. Please don't ask me if I've voted, or who I've voted for. I'm voting for Love and for reconciliation and for healing and for redemption. And that's what matters to me. We've all got to put our heads on that pillow each night. Do what you've got to do. That's my vote.

Shalom,
Cameron

Welcome to the Fight

Just got home from the Texas Benefit Dinner for International Justice Mission (ijm.org) and have just now after a few hours processing what we saw and heard...come back down to earth. Sort of. Is it normal to learn about slavery and oppression and feel an overwhelming desire to run headlong into the fight. It's a bizarre sensation. Vibrating like a tuning fork in anticipation of what God is gonna do with us.


My heartbreak for forced prostitution was made complete in Budapest and I was a part of a start up anti trafficking taskforce. Our aim was to get our structure together to attract IJM or something like it. I lined up behind the autograph seekers and practiced "Nice to meet you Mr. Haugen. Please come to Eastern Europe."

Believe it or not he gave me a few names and his email address and told me to write and he would put me in touch with others who have the same idea.

I also talked to one of the IJM staffers who was at the benefit and asked if we could volunteer at their office in Chaing Mai, Thailand, while we are there next week. We exchanged info and she promised to put me in touch with the office. She said the work they do is not "exciting" because after their office was established there, they documented a 90% decline in forced prostitution and so now they mainly do follow up and help victims with citizenship issues.

My mom will be happy to know the extent of our involvement will likely be stuffing envelopes or licking stamps. Which is just fine by me.

Friends and Family please do pray for us while in Thailand. We will be leading worship for a missionary training conference and will be of course leaving Sydney with friends and family :-) Please pray for her peace and comfort as well as travelling mercies for us (read: Houston to Tokyo to Bangkok to Chiang Mai....phew!)

My inspiration is totally renewed and I am so excited for...something. Just not sure what exactly.

Love,
Cameron

New Leaf

Hey Buddies,
Maybe it's the weather but there is a newness in the air. A new season, yes, definitely, but it feels like more than that. Had an epiphany lunch today (thanks Kim). Left feeling like "Maybe I don't have all the answers and that's ok".

On a shallower note (is that a word, wait of course not, I know "shallower" is not a word) I am definitely getting my hair cut this week and I am excited. I get into these phases where I want to dye my hair a different color or cut it a different way constantly. I think I can get addicted to "new" a little bit.

I'm going to go not watch election coverage.

Blessings,
Cameron

the clothes we wear, the miles they travel

Do you ever look yourself in the eye at night, maybe after taking your contacts out, getting ready to brush teeth and read that book you can't wait to get back to. Do you ever think "I had no idea when I put these clothes on this morning how crazy this day would be." You get back home that night and your once fresh and laundered clothes are wrinkled, warm and warn. Perhaps tell tale signs indicate where you've been, perhaps not. Maybe it's just the person inside them who carries the transformation the day has brought.

Obviously today was one of those days for me. It was very much like how I experienced our street outreaches in Budapest. At the beginning of the outreach as we'd gather in the park, just a rag tag bunch, to pray and plan inevitably I'd think "there's no way something amazing is going to happen today. Everything today is just so...ordinary." Inevitably, it would be anything but ordinary.

Tonight, another rag tag bunch gathered to commune under the auspices of Jesus. At Brasil, an uber hip coffeehouse in Montrose, over the music, airplanes and traffic and in the near dark of the patio 11 of us (strangers to each other for the most part) gathered. It was transformational. It's amazing what God can do with our 'just one cup of water and a little oil and flour.' With the little we have to give he can make miracles and as far as I am concerned he did that tonight. So thank You. God. You rocked it.


Love,
Cameron

memories

Reconciliation in Budapest

When we arrived in Budapest this June with 6 suitcases, a recording studio and a toddler in tow, we had no idea how different we would be 10 weeks later, when we again attempted to navigate Ferighy airport.

I had gone on my very first mission trip less than a year prior and was so transformed by it, that my husband Matt and I decided to move our family to the ‘mission field ‘ the following summer. We were greeted by our now dear friend Steve Johnson, who patiently loaded up our myriad bags and listened to our excited, sleep deprived chatter as we drove to our new home in the lush 11^th district of Budapest.

As the summer flew by and the foreign became familiar we had the privilege of working with a number of short term teams who had come from the States. All had come like we had, to spend a week or two or three or 10 (in our case) serving the ministry of YWAM Budapest. Eager and passionate, each person had unique gifts and were clearly called by God to be there, at that time.

As each team arrived we were jolted from the delicate cocoon we had created of assimilation; speaking as little English as possible, investing in real friendships with local Hungarians- mostly non Christians, building community with the coffee and sandwich vendors we visited every day. Suddenly our low-key identity was blown and we were once again Christians from Houston; aliens in a strange land.

But here’s the amazing part. The first person we really connected with and were able to share the Gospel with, was an American backpacker from California. A young man on a journey, who’d been backpacking for months and had vowed to continue until his shoes wore out; even after his carefully saved trip money had long since evaporated. Our YWAM extended family, which included the year round staff at YWAM Budapest and the short term teams that were passing through, willingly adopted our new friend, Marcus. He stayed with us, ate with us, attended bible studies and street outreaches with us. He was not a Christian, he said, but he believed in God, and was searching for the truth about Him. He was also searching for his own history; his father had been a part of the tragic 1956 Revolution in Budapest, where thousands of students were killed protesting the tyranny of the Communist government. His father had escaped, leaving behind his family and identity- never to return.

Marcus spent many evenings talking to his father on Skype, telling him of the Christians he’d met in Budapest, the landmarks he’d seen. It was a chance for father and son to connect and mend the difficult relationship between them.

Matt and I spent many hours around the kitchen table talking with Marcus and praying for him. Praying for reconciliation with his father, but most importantly, praying for reconciliation with his Father in Heaven.

The evening before Marcus was scheduled to leave Budapest, we were out playing Christian songs in our favorite city park. A freak summer storm released copious thunder, rain and hail on us as we huddled together trying to protect the instruments. “Marcus,” I said, half jokingly, “I would feel a lot better about this being the end of the world if I knew you were going to Heaven with us.” To my shock he agreed, and moments later, in the midst of a city park in Budapest as golf ball sized hail stones scattered across the pavement, Marcus was praying to accept Christ.

I had never had the privilege before of leading someone in prayer to the Lord and if I never do again it will be ok. God’s grace and power was so evident in that moment, the thrill of seeing Him so present and so active it will surely last me a lifetime.

What I want to say, what we want to say, is THANK YOU, all of you who prayed, who wrote, who supported us in our mission to Budapest this summer. We are so humbled by your love and support and by your faithfulness to His call, to “go and make disciples of all the nations.” Even those of our own nation, however far they may be from home.

-Cameron and Matt Hammon

A rare and shining moment

Hats off to John McCain for attempting to stop the locomotive of fear and thinly veiled hate that both campaigns are running into the ground. He stopped in the middle of a town hall meeting where people were verbatim quoting his campaigns own commercials back to him, and he disagreed with them. I guess it's a hats off but it's really a disappointment to me that an obviously principled man- McCain- has sunk to the low I believe he has in order to try to win this election. Where is the maverick anyway? What I am seeing and hearing is acme model #001 republican political candidate. It doesn't even really seem like him at all.

I don't really know how I can even vote in this election. I am totally baffled at how there seems no choice. Is Nader running in this one? I saw him in an old episode of Sesame Street the other day I was watching with Sydney. I think we'd actually be better off with someone who can hold there own with Big Bird.

Someone once said it's impolite to talk about politics and religion. Hmmmm. I guess I lose there.

On a lighter note I had a blast today with Sydney- we went to the park, rode the train, had lollipops, played with bubbles. By the end of the day we were stuffed, happy and exhausted. I can never get enough of the smell of her hair, or is it her forehead. That smell that is "your child." My mom still does that to me. Smells my head or kisses my forehead. It must never go away, that passionate protective reverie that a mother has for her child. I am actually really grateful for the time we have just the three of us. Alot of people ask me when the next baby is coming, but we are just so happy with this one. We want her to have a little more time with our undivided attention.

I'd like to post a little piece I wrote for the Grace Quarterly about Budapest. I will do that tomorrow... that's all for now...

Love, Cameron

What God has joined together...

Just have to blog a few words about an absolutely magical wedding we were a part of tonight. Our friends Daragh and Kara- he being Irish- she being American- got married tonight in a beautiful italian- themed place called The Gallery.

It was such a beautiful wedding; in no small part due to the trials the couple went through to get there. There original venue went out of business and ran off with their deposit! Amazingly, in two weeks time they put together a gorgeous wedding - and we were so blessed to lead worship a bit for it. PS. My inner dialogue has an Irish accent now. Weird.


Love,
Cameron

new direction since lunch

ok, far be it from me to blog twice in a day....but....I think my mom's got this on an RSS feed and I wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY< because my mom is the coolest lady I have ever met and I totally look up to her and thank God for her everyday. And I wanted to tell her that there's a good chance Matt may go to grad school in Texas. We'll be praying about that. SO DON'T WORRY!

But back to Mom. She is beautiful, smart, genuine, unapologetic, sensitive, creative, encouraging and inspiring. Mary Loving! Happy Birthday!!!!

Love, me

proof that I am real

So I went to this web seminar, a uh, er, web-i-nar... about social networking sites and social media and all this and the very learned man who officiated (way to go Ed) said something like, you must blog off topic occasionally to prove that you are real.

So here goes. I am currently OBSESSED with the MoMa Design Store catalogue (that's Museum of Modern Art for pleb's like me.) I bought this really gorgeous "ghost clock" designed by Yee-Ling Wan in 2005. Quite affordable and it's my very own art-clock. Early Christmas present to self. Art-clock. Yipee. It's amazing how beautiful things can make you feel, well, amazing. Here's where I digress back on topic for a second. There is no doubt that art is divine. In my mind at least. As is science, the universe, the cosmos, etc. The latter which absolutely functions by set terms and conditions but which functions with said myriad terms and conditions nearly perfectly. Designed by a master.

Ok, back to "off topic." I bought a piece of art once before and left it in the house in Pittsburgh I lived in my senior year. That makes me a pretty big looser. It was a giant modern tribal drawing by an artist named Thomas Campbell who I think is quite famous now. I am sure it is probably worth a bundle. Too bad it's in the basement of a house in Pittsburgh. He is quite nutty, the artist, but clearly amazing. I had a friend who owned an art gallery on the lower east side (NY) who sold it to my mom - who gave it to me for my 19th birthday. I think it was $300.

Oh well, perhaps this little clock will start my collecting affordable modern art a-new.

Love,
Cameron

burnt popcorn

We all have that something odd about us, that makes us, well, us. Mine is burnt popcorn. Among other things of course, but that's the one I am thinking about right now.

I am also thinking about Budapest. I have a pit in my stomach when I see pictures or here it spoken about that kind of feels like love sickness. My friend Simona posted some pictures and I can see that Fall is in full swing. Everything is blue and gold and ivory.

This picture is one of my favorites. I believe I was saying "Stop doing American Church!" I even issued a disclaimer before doing this devotional/ teaching at YWAM in Budapest. It is amazing how bold the Spirit made me/us over there. I think this is absolutely my favorite picture ever take of me.

I am a bit better on my relationship with JC these days. A bible study looks promising for Monday nights. Reading- mostly Proverbs (and ok, vampire novels, but I'm trying) and praying- mostly for my neighbor, and myself.

I want to apologize for being terrible at sending thank you notes. I wanted to send a letter to everyone who supported us in Budapest and had planned to do it as soon as we got home. Life became insane and has not really calmed down. I promise to do better than thank you notes. Hopefully we can send everybody a letter that will also talk about what's next! And hopefully soon.

Ok, the vampire novel is calling. And it's set in Eastern Europe. But after a few Proverbs, I promise :-)

Love, Cameron

If you don't laugh you'll cry

You know you're from the Gulf Coast when….

1. You have FEMA's number on your speed dial.
2. You have more than 300 'C' and 'D' batteries in your kitchen drawer.
3. Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti O's.
4. You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
5. When describing your gutted house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and an open air feel to it.
6. Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
7. You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
8. You are delighted to pay $3.50 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
9. The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
10. You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
11. You own more than three large coolers.
12. You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
13. You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back
14. You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.*
15.. Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
16. You catch a 13-pound red fish - in your house.
17.. You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
18. You consider a vacation to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.
19. At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
20. You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
21. There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
22. You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.
23. Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
24. Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
25. Your drive-thru meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
26. Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
27. You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.
28. You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.
29. A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
30. You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
31. Your child's first words are hunker down and you didn't go to Ole Miss!
32. Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
33. Toilet Paper is elevated to coin of the realm at the shelters.
34. You know the difference between the good side of a storm and the bad side.
35. Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
36. You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning. *
37. Your garage smells like gasoline.
38. Your more concerned about someone stealing your generator then your car.
39. You get excited when you see a FPL truck in your neighborhood.
40. You get really excited when you see the cable guy.
41. You can create memorable meals wit h a can of SPAM and one gas burner.
42. You are prepared to wait in line at Starbucks for 2 hours to get a cup of coffee.

Same Kind of Different

Went to a talk tonight at Second Baptist given by the author's of a book about how relationships built on the love of Christ can transform lives, marriages, families and cities.

I hadn't read the book, I will, but right now the book burning a whole in my nightstand is my bible. I have, we have really been getting the wind knocked out of us pretty consistently since we got back from Budapest. Matt lost his job, my father nearly died, etc. Those things I have watched God redeem, especially my Dad's illness. I even swaggered home after spending 4 days with him, thinking "Ha, devil, nice try!" I thought surely all this is spiritual attack we are coming under because of what we were doing in Budapest. I guess I didn't think these things were gonna keep piling up. The Hurricane of course and now our neighbor is sending nasty and threatening emails to me about a wall she claims is mine, that my deed says otherwise. The wall of course is deteriorating and needs several thousand dollars of repair. This is a really good opportunity for me to love my neighbor with the love of Christ, right? Not to react and want to knock her out- I should be praying for her as she insults, accuses and berates me.

Well you can guess I haven't been doing that. And I feel like all this stuff - the traveling, constant traveling- the job stuff- has displaced me from a praying, talking, learning accountable community.

One of the author's of "Same Kind of Different as Me" said tonight that when he and Denver (the co-author, former homeless man) began being invited to bible studies to tell their story- Denver asked, "Do all white people have a bible study?" He said, "When they start a Bible Doing group I'll go." As profound as that is, I have been "doing" alot and studying way to little. I confess it, hold me accountable. I need to participate in a bible study, not lead one.

This talk tonight confirmed for me that ministry is about relationships. But the relationship at the core of my ministry is being neglected- it's in the pages of that pocket bible with my name engraved on the cover.

What I do logically surmise, and I may be wrong here, is that the door to Budapest is open. Not that God is kicking us out of Houston - but he's not allowing us to get too comfortable here. That is for sure.

Ladies Night?

There seems to be alot of interest in a bible study, all from my favorite ladies. I am wondering if the Thursday night Brasil idea would work as a "ladies night" bible study. We could meet at Brasil, eat and do a study.

Any takers?

The problem of course is who has energy to create a curriculum and/or lead? If we could get our hands on a good curriculum that's easy to follow I would be thrilled to fascillitate. What about the idea of making it a bible study/ book club- but the books are like The Shack, Purpose Driven Life, etc?

I am open to ideas. So far Kelly, Christina, Lauren P. and Claudia have expressed interest. With me that's a perfect sized group- we could even take a few more. Ladies, if your out there and you are interested, let me know. We can start as soon as we get a curriculum.....

Bring it!

Believe it or not

You can take a look at this handy dandy map and figure about 1/2 these folks still don't have power. I am worried about my friends and neighbors who are ready to blow a fuse, so to speak. I can't believe how merciful God is with me. Seriously. I am almost a little embarrassed about how this hurricane has revealed to me the depth of my own high maintenance-ishness. But I guess I shouldn't be embarrassed. God knows me better than I know myself, right? Embarrassment suggests the revelation of something before hidden. Strange to think nothing is hidden from him and yet his love for me never changes. Hard to believe sometimes, isn't it? Or maybe hard to believe any of the time if you are like me. I can't say it enough read The Shack. Right now. Log off, sign off, shut down, whatever you need to do, go get this book and read it.

We are really trying to figure out the Budapest piece of our lives. Matt is going to apply to Central European University to get a masters degree in nationalism. He wants to eventually do a PHD around the subject of ethnic conflict in the Balkans- something that we feel we need to know about to do ministry in that region. We are working on the terra firma part of it- but we need the Holy Spirit part of it too. My friend Jane said God woke her up and told her "Cameron needs to be in a bible study." I am sad to say it has been a long time since I have really been in one. Anyone know of a good one I could join? Maybe in the mornings before work?

Please pray that Matt gets into the right graduate program. Please pray that he would really hear God's voice on the right direction to take our family. It's a big decision!

Hope you are all well powered and airconditioned but I know you are not. Let me know how I can pray for you.

Love, Cameron

News

So we just heard that powers' been restored to my next door neighbors and we think it's safe to assume that we have it as well. Still in Austin and figuring out when to hit the road for home again. We are definitely experiencing survivor's guilt and I think it will feel better to at least be around to try to help folks.

I've heard that the Grace staff is going door to door checking on people's needs. That makes me feel so good about our community.

I am going to surf around and check in on folks with the few minutes we have online at our friends David and Lisa's house.

Hey- if you're out there- and if your praying- and not overwhelmed with all the many needs you need to be praying for - please pray for my mom. She is really worried about something that I can't even really explain. But hopefully will be able to soon. I know that's cryptic but more later.

I am generally feeling down, sluggish, low energy. I know the 1-2 punch we've been feeling since we got home from Budapest is the enemy. I know that. And before this storm I felt more than capable to weather it and remain focused. I am struggling, as I am sure many of you are, right now. Let's remember Romans 8 is it...

Love, Cameron

On the road again

Well we are getting ready to move on to Austin as my aunt and uncle have graciously offered to lend us their place there for a few days. It's pretty weird. It feels like a holiday or vacation and then I remember that my city is a warzone. I am definitely experiencing survivor's guilt for not being there and struggling through it with our friends and neighbors. I also am so uplifted by stories I've read in the Chronicle about neighbors helping neighbors. What can we do? I suppose there will be plenty of needs to meet when we do get back. My prayer is that God will use us, show us how and where to go to help.

I wonder if Sydney will remember any of this. Miraculously she slept through the worst part of the storm, and didn't really seemed fazed by the sound of the two dozen or so tornadoes that were terrorizing the Heights. My own denial rationalized through all of it . I kept thinking, "oh, it must just be the wind." And "our front door is not sealed very well." Basically it sounded like a freigh train pounding through our front door.

Well I am going to send a text messsage to friends and fam to let them know they can follow us here if they want to. And we're off. Lord, thank You for your provision and protection for us, please provide comfort and shelter for our neighbors in Houston, show us how we can be your hands and feet on earth. We love you Lord. Amen.

Love, Cameron

Waiting

So we are safe and cool in College Station by what feels like a miracle. We realized yesterday afternoon that considering how high maintenance we are it would be best to leave town until the AC comes back on. All kidding aside it feels like a big roundhouse kick to the gut and we were spared the worst of it. By another miracle the giant, dead tree next door to us did not fall on our house, when hundreds of young, healthy trees fell all over our neighborhood.

I can't help but feel like I have personally been in post traumatic stress since 9-11, or maybe earlier. But it's too soon to start with such melancholy. I will try to pray instead for my adopted city.

Love, Cameron

Eek & some potential heresy but here goes

Please do pray for us because this storm is about the size of Texas itself. I keep going back and forth about whether or not to get up at the crack and drive to College Station to stay with my aunt and uncle. Trouble is it's not the best situation for our cat, Steve, because my aunt is allergic and he would have to kinda stay in the garage or somewhere. Hmmm. I think that could be really stressful but I also think it may be better than being in the house when a hurricane hits. I am without a clue as to what to do.

I was struck by something I read last night in The Shack. Jesus is talking to Mack and explaining to him why he doesn't trust God. Jesus says something like "it's because you don't believe we are good". We or me- not sure which "he" meant. God is portrayed in the book as three distinct people- the Trinity. When I was pregnant with Sydney I went through a particularly dark week where some tests had indicated that something "may" be wrong with her. Without a doubt I can say that was the hardest thing I had ever been through at that point. All my crippling fears showed up and insisted on staying for dinner..and breakfast...and lunch...and dinner...for about a week. I went to see my friend Patsy over at the Houston Vineyard for prayer. She gave me Psalm 139- "you are fearfully and wonderfully made"- and asked me if I believed that God is good. I guess I had assumed I believed that but I really didn't. I lived with a sense of anticipation of the hammer coming down. Of punishment. Of some kind of lesson I'd have to learn. Not consciously, but unconsciously. It was so much a part of my thought life that I didn't even know it was there. It wasn't until she told me that morning, that God is Good, did I really think it could be possible for me to believe that.

So that brings us to Ike, or Eeeek as I would prefer to call it. Are hurricanes a part of the Fall? I mean the thing in itself with all it's strength and fury could be seen as quite beautiful- something God may have created. But perhaps the wickedness of how we humans have stewarded his good creation - pollution, global warming, etc- has resulted in turning the majestic thing that may have been intended to act as some kind of oceanic scrub brush- into the monster that it is.

Just a thought.

Please pray for total peace and security for Sydney. My biggest prayer is that she will not be afraid. She's been really cranky since we got home from Budapest and I think she is just mad because life has been so unpredictable- all the travel- new year- Daddy's job thing, new school, mommy's job thing, etc. She's probably just overwhelmed. And two. There's that of course. Nonetheless we covet your prayers and know that you friends in Houston- we are praying for you too.

Love and blessings,

Cameron

Ike

Argh. What really sucks is that it makes you think that the Gulf Coast isn't really liveable. Which, really, just the bugs and humidity alone might make you think. Should we board up our windows? We went to Target tonight and got some "Hurricane Supplies", thanks to Brian Mann who printed up the list from ready.gov and handed it out today :-)

Well here's an image that I love. Sleep tight.
Cameron

The Media Milkshake

So I am doing more "communications" stuff at Grace, which means I am dragging my PR hat out of the closet once more, blowing the dust off and rolling up my sleeves. After attending a "seminar" on web stuff I am a born again public relations person, but not really. Because what I've decided is the term public relations is completely last century. The idea of communication for me is about evangelism. Seriously. It has to be. Wanting to share with everyone something that has honestly changed your life for the good. I am just so grateful that I don't have to share "widgets"- I can share about the things I really care about.

Speaking of widgets I have added some "bling" to my blog, the twitter feed. Check it out. I am just now really getting the hang of it. You can add it to your phone, you can choose people to follow (follow me, follow me!), I think you can comment? I am not sure. But check it out.

On another note I am reading The Shack (of course I am) so I am going to get to that. The protagonist is in a log cabin somewhere in a perfectionized version of Oregon, having tea with The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Aka "Papa"- an Aretha Franklin type character who represents Father, "Sarayu"- an ephemeral Asian woman with commitment issues- meant to be the Holy Spirit, and Jesus- a less than handsome Middle Eastern handyman with a Jewish nose. http://theshackbook.com.

I am torn between thinking it brilliant and ridiculous. Have you read it? Chime in. I'd love to start a discussion about this one. Here is the author's blog

Night night again,

Cameron
PS. I just changed my laptops clock back from Central European time. It's 5:51 am in Budapest right now. Crazy.

Little Chicken

As she always is, a burst of sunshine. Sydney's 2nd birthday party at Nick and Nanny's in Southhampton. Get a load of the boat and the impossibly green grass. It really is heavenly there. Up early for worship tomorrow. It has been a long time since we've done that. Looking forward to being back. Night, Night, Cameron

Locks and Locks of Love

I cut my hair. 10 inches! Yeah! I am sending it to locks of love tomorrow. I feel like a new person! Hooray. I just got wind of a million amazing new techie geek website-y things that are going to be mainstream in about 5 minutes. Like google mainstream. Big. Really, really big. I signed up for twitter and you should to. My handle is 'missionarymama'. I know it's not a handle, but that's just a funny word and makes me think of smoky and the bandit. Ok, night, night off to read the trashy vampire novel set in Eastern Europe I bought in the airport. Can I be an Eastern Europe-o-phile? I met a Russian today and almost cried.

Love, Cameron

Re-Entry

There is a book somewhere in my house, maybe in one of the new baskets that I bought in a feeble attempt to organize my house. The book is on loan from some of our favorite people- Brian and Andrea Mann- folks who lived in Sweden as missionaries for 3 years. The book is about coming back home after a mission trip- short or long- what to expect, etc. I don't know if it quite covers all that we've encountered upon coming home though- from the immediate death of both our refrigerator and disposal, to my own father's literal near death experience to...well the rest of it.

But here is what's amazing. And here is what we have learned in Budapest. God is in the middle of it. God is doing something. God has and will provide and we have no doubt. We want to be a part of what He is doing even if it means a bump in the road. Or a crater. Whatever it is, He is in it and personally I am kind of giddy about seeing what He is up to.

I cut my hair off today. Well not completely but quite short. 10 inches shorter! When we came back from Budapest it just felt like nothing really fit. Our furniture, our clothes (maybe that was the Hungarian food), my hair, etc... We became different people in those 3 months. We've truly been changed.

I had a great talk with Melissa Brown today, who is Grace's missions director, and in her no nonsense way she framed it perfectly. She said "You are convicted, you are being called to the mission field, and the enemy doesn't like it." Our hearts have been completely broken for Hungary, Hungarians and the city of Budapest itself. For different reasons but with equal seismic consequences. Our hearts grew to include this tragically beautiful country and it's proud/sentimental people-- but the swelling could not be contained resulting in a fissure, a true break. Never to be the same again.

All the while we were there I kept saying to people, who would ask if we'd come back, "Well God would have to really do something, really open a door, make it obvious, because we really love our life in Houston." Perhaps that is what is truly happening. Who knows. All I know is that in Budapest life was in color. Brilliant, vibrant, heart breaking color. Back in Houston, we are experiencing black and white. We love Houston still, but it's just...different. I just pray we have the guts to follow where He is leading. To discern and follow.

Our friend Dani had a t-shirt last summer that on the front said, "Send me." On the back it said "I'll go."

Love y'all,

Cameron

Normal Life, Sort of

Matt and Sydney and I went to "Discovery Green" today, an incredible new city park in downtown Houston. It is like being in an exclusive country club designed by brilliant, modern architects-- with a Japanese flair. The parking meters are solar powered. The to- go bags at the cafe are biodegradeable. It's 21st century fun.

It is amazing for kids. The playground is literally a work of art- a "mist tree" -- a giant metal tree that constantly mists cold water, cools kids and parents alike on a hot day. Sydney ran around in the "fountains" for a couple of hours and had a blast. 100 water jets are randomly spread out over a big stretch of granite, and erupt in sprays of water at different times and at different levels. The kids have fun trying to follow the patterns.

We had a really good day, except for my occasional crappy attitude which is creeping out alot. My poor husband is getting the brunt of it. And my mother. Apparently I was short with her on the phone today, and of course was totally oblivious. I have no idea what my problem is accept for fatigue. But that's not an excuse and it's not fair to them. Mom, if you're reading I am sorry and I love you. Things have been rough of course, as everyone knows by now, but there is definitely hope on the horizon as far as Matt's job goes. He has so much to offer and is so passionate about ministry, I can't wait to see what God does with him next. But, that doesn't mean this isn't still a rough patch. As is evidenced by the fact that my dining room was just turned into a recording studio- as Matt moved all his gear out of the office. It is what it is. We always eat in the kitchen anyway. :-)


Speaking of ministry - we are starting a group that will meet every Thursday at Brasil's in Montrose. We think it's going to be something like "Theology on Tap" with a political bent for the Fall. Some friends at Grace are on board as well as friends from all over the city. I am hoping it will just be a gathering, not of any exclusive church, but all inclusive, where people can come, eat, hear scriptures, discuss current events, and build community. And hopefully, it will spill over to the people around us. Outreach in a way. I am committed to the idea that we cannot expect people to come to the Church, we need to bring the Church to them.

Tomorrow I am going to upload pictures from Sydney's birthday party at my mom's in New York. And hopefully take a few more....Bare with us as we get our sea legs in this new season.

Love and Blessings,
Cameron

The Jewish Minister

The best part of my time with my Dad in New Jersey was that I got to be Jewish for four days. Well maybe that wasn't the best part but it was certainly a bonus. It's like I wanted to jump up and down and shout "See, I am Jewish! I am! I didn't make it up!" I don't know to whom exactly I would be shouting. Probably myself.

It's amazing what time, distance and un-shared experiences can do to relationships. I figured out that it's been more years since my parents divorced then the entire length of their marriage. My mom said something like "I don't even remember that life." It's almost like, I think for her, that person that was married to my Dad maybe was a different person entirely.

What I think I learned this weekend, besides the incalculable power of an almighty God, is that those two people- my Mom and Dad are quite different people today then they were 18 years ago. And I think they are better people. I think my Dad may just be coming to that place of better- maybe on the inside if not the outside. He is regaining strength and health everyday and it is just astounding to here the change in his voice. We had the best quality time together that we have ever, ever had and I am so grateful for that. We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we told stories, we watched TV, we ate, we planned, we plotted, we reminisced. It was a magical, beautiful time. It was like I rushed in and rescued him from the brink. Which I know I did not do, but God did. When I showed up he was in really bad shape. Skinny, weak, unshaven in a thin bathrobe. His feet, ankles and knees swollen almost beyond recognition. His eyes watery and his mind soft. When I left he was charming every nurse in the place and astounding the doctors with his improvement.

I was able to listen to my Dad tell stories of things he's done that he regrets and I was able to hold his hand or hug him as he grieved those things. I was also able to suggest he make contact with those he can find and make amends. Apologize, forgive- sometimes both when appropriate- but make peace. So beginning with me, then my brother, the entire 4 days were about my Dad making peace with people he loves but has been estranged from for one reason or another. It was absolutely miraculous to see the mantle of grief, anger and bitterness literally lift off of him. Every moment we spent together was a victory. After one particular conversation he had on the phone he told the person, "Don't worry about me, I've got the Jewish Minister here praying for me." And so it is. It took facing my ultimate fears, leaving my comfort zone (i.e., anywhere but the town I grew up in) and throwing myself and the situation on the mercy of the Lord.

I have never ever felt the literal power of God like I did those 4 days. Physically, I have no idea how I got through the whole time- running interference for my Dad, running errand after errand, listening, praying, comforting. I have no idea who that person was but it was not me. It was truly by HIS strength that that time was what it was. Each time I put one foot in front of the other it was by HIS strength. My faith has grown by light years this summer and I rejoice because I know that my God is in the business of redemption- and I have seen it first hand.

Love and Blessings,
Cameron

Good things

Well I've got my ticket and I am on my way. He was even joking tonight on the phone when I was talking to him. I said, "we've got alot of people praying for you," he said "I know, I can feel it." He really does sound so much better. He is going to a rehab facility/ nursing home tomorrow. Alex and I will be there Friday. Pray that we can help make him comfortable there. Thanks for praying.

Love, C

Need a miracle

So this is what people used to say when they were trying to buy scalped tickets to a Grateful Dead concert, and the phrase has been coming up in my mind all summer. "I need a miracle." I am about to start searching for a ticket to NJ to see my father. He is a little better, and there is talk of him being discharged. He can't take care of himself so we are trying to get him released to a rehab facility. I talked to him tonight - he's still in the hospital- and he perked up when we started to talk about Sydney.

Here is a picture of us from our "reconciliation" visit in April. I hadn't seen him in more than 6 years, and he hadn't met Sydney. We went up to New Jersey to see him and I had no idea how it would go. It was very emotional for me, going back to the town where I grew up. Seeing all the places I have tried to pretend never existed. The person I was there is someone I have honestly tried to forget.

God was so gentle with me through that time. I was sad, but also elated. It was the closure that I needed in a way to know that I had reached out to my dad. And he really did appreciate it. It was so strange to see him, having aged so much and so vulnerable. To me he was always an intimidating, even ominous character. Either full of laughter and joy, or misery and anger. The older I got the more the latter was the case. Now he seems to have mellowed.

Jane reminded me today that God is working in this even if I am too tired to recognize it. She gave me such peace today. I feel like I am going to be able to handle this, though it's alot to deal with after such a crazy summer, it's what I have to deal with I guess. I need to just trust God with it. And this is what I am trying to do. Please pray for my father's salvation. He is 80 years old and in poor health. Pray that God will open the door for him and he will walk through it.

Sydney starts "school" tomorrow!!! We've got a big day ahead of us.

Love and Blessings,
Cameron