Everything you've ever wanted to know about Cameron (but were afraid to ask).

I am a bit of a blog hog I will admit. Matt encouraged me to take the lead on this last summer in Budapest so our friends and family could keep up with us. When I was blogging he was either loading musical equipment in and/or out of the car or was asleep (likely caused by exhaustion resulting at least in part from said loading in and out of gear.)

So, as I was going through my list of friends on Facebook, to invite you guys to become friends of our worship band, Olivette, I realized that there were many of you who might not have any idea what the heck a worship band is, and who may be mildly curious as to what all this God and Jesus business I appear to be into is about. So I'm gonna blog about it.

For the other lot of you, whom I've met in or after 2000/2001; this is just gonna be a brief run down on how I got on this God trip and what it means to and for me.

So I grew up in a non religious family- until I was 14 I lived with my mother (raised Catholic, non practicing) and father (raised Jewish non practicing)- and the only mention of religion came at Christmas time when my parents would fight about whether or not the Jews killed Jesus (I am not making this up.) Or when my father told me we could never be members of the local country club where my friends ice-skated because we were Jewish. Basically I wanted nothing to do with any of it. The whole God business seemed nice for some, but it was not for me.

However, I definitely envied the acceptance and support my friends who were "religious" got from their respective communities- whether at Hebrew school or CCD classes. I envied the comraderie it seemed to breed.

I was always a bit of a spook however. I one time hynotized a friend (I think we were 11) and earlier spun elaborate haunting stories that got my entire elementary school in a frenzy. One boys parents actually called mine to complain that I was giving there son nightmares with my constant talk of ghosts.

I will say I don't recall seeing these "ghosts" but I was always aware of an unseen world, a presence of something or somethings that was beyond what we can detect with our senses.

Somehow I never connected this supernatural infatuation with the idea of God. Into my 20s I had become a bit of a superspook (someone actually called me that). I was into tarot, having prophetic dreams, believed thoroughly in re-incarnation, etc., and was generally into what Christians call the occult.

Along the journey I had experienced the sudden and tragic death of a friend (several times actually) which sent me searching for answers. His name was Matt Liedke. He was a great guy. He died the summer before my senior year of highschool in a car accident. After that I knew I had to find out where he was. My naturally melancholy personality wallowed in grief for a long time. I visited psychics, readers, priestesses (yeah I did) anyone who could tell me something of where my friend was.

Everytime I was disappointed. Every time. It was like turkish delight; never satisfying, left you wanting more.

Suffice it to say things got dark for me after college, real dark. Post college Manhattan with paid rent, too much free time, and no direction except "I wannabe a rockstar?" Not a great combo. Partied way to much. Bad relationships. Drugs.

Hit a brick wall. A meltdown. A breakdown. A health scare. An addiction scare. Scare. What, I'm mortal? I'm not untouchable? I'm vulnerable?

One night I did way to many drugs and was up for several days. I had a massive anxiety attack (tunnel vision, heart palpitations, thought I was dying,etc.) that triggered what will most likely be a lifelong battle with anxiety. The wall I hit hurt for sure, but it could've been so much worse. It was like someone had thrown themselves in front of a locomotive (me) and though the resulting crash was devastating, it kept me from being pitched off a cliff. I realized that something or someone had rescued me from myself. The path I was on could've landed me at the bottom of a cliff- shattered in a million pieces.

I didn't know it then, but this someone was real. What I've described above is thematically identical to what Christians have described through the centuries; from Roman Christians who went to the lions hymn-singing to St. Augustine to CS Lewis to millions in between to me. Somebody took the hit for me, the scales of justice demanded it, and that person was Jesus. But that person was also God himself, the very One who was most offended by my utter lack of regard for his child, me.

So all this came together for me between 1998 and 2001. I was baptised on the beach at Coney Island in the middle of a lightning storm. It's all still coming together for me ,everyday. Faith -everyday is a journey. There are moments of clarity, moments of doubt, moments of sheer joy and moments of desperation. But I am never alone in these moments.

I met a bunch of artists who were in a house church in Brooklyn right around this time. Lived in NY most of my life and this is when I meet the Christians, interesting, isn't it? This group of people who called themselves Tribe were smart, educated, talented artists who also happened to be Christians. They were not Republican, narrow minded, reactionary, stupid, judgemental or any other stereotype I had at the time. They broke the stereotypes. They became my family.

I went to weekly meetings where I learned about this Jesus who threw himself in front of the train for me.It took me a long time, to be honest, to be cool with Jesus, saying the name, crediting him for my rescue, etc. It was that extra something that pushed me out of the general "God" category and into the very specific "Father, Son, Holy Spirit" category. I suppose at that point I definitively broke from my Jewish past. Though I was never a religious Jew, culturally I was Jewish. The idea that God could become man, or be both God and man, went against everything I believed. It was a leap of faith.

I've since grown into the role of a Christian artist. The music I make and the words I write reflect what I am interested in and passionate about, as it is for all artists, and for me that interest are the things of God. Loving Him, singing at the top of my lungs to and about Him, and Loving my Neighbor, dedicating my resources and talents to caring for the poor, widowed and fatherless.

I in no way mean to suggest that I am great at doing any of these things, to the contrary. But I am the happiest, healthiest and most balanced I have ever been in my life. I wake up with purpose and go to sleep exhausted. And I sleep, most of the time, like a baby.

It's out of this place that I, and most Christians, want to share with you- about this Change and what it means for me. Some evangelical Christians have given the lot of us a bad rap. Christians don't want to convert you because they think you are wrong, a sinner and going to Hell. We are all wrong most of the time, we are all less-than-perfect or less-than God (aka a sinner) and Hell is what you make it. A lot of times life on earth fits the billl.

Most Christians, and I, want you to experience what we have- hope, peace and love. No, scratch that: Hope, Peace and Love. The real McCoy.

So maybe this is more than you wanted to know, or not enough, either way, I'd love to talk to you about any of this if you want. If not, that's cool too. Thanks for reading, caring, and being my "friend." :-)

Love, Cameron